Monday, August 23, 2004

Ask Skor: A Quiet Lunch?

This week, I'll be starting a new section here on my blog. The incredibly creative name for this secion is: "Ask Skor." I chose this name because it is where you, the reading public, will ask me, Skor, questions, and I, Skor, will answer them. Hopefully with less commas than that. So feel free to send me your requests for advice, personal questions, or hundred-dollar-bills. You can find out how to contact me in my profile. Enough with the introduction, let's get on to the first letter!
Dear Skor,

One of my coworkers is really getting on my nerves. I like to enjoy a nice quiet lunch hour, just me and my sandwich. Every day at noon I head out to the front lawn to sit down to lunch under my favorite tree, this guy comes out right behind me. Then, for the entire hour while I am trying to eat, he keeps trying to talk to me. I have even been willing to forsake my favorite tree, and have tried eating lunch somewhere else to avoid him, but to no avail. What can I do to get this persistant pest to leave me in peace?

Sally
Portland, OR
Hi Sally,

You didn't indicate it in your letter, so I will have to assume that you are aware of the obvious fact that this coworker is completely infatuated with you. Given that, I see that you have two choices. The first and most obvious choice is to simply profess your undying love for him, and tell him to "kiss me now, you fool." He will be so scared by your come-on that he will definitely run away and leave you alone, and he might even wet his pants. Your second choice is to start spending your entire lunch time talking to him about your passionate dedication to the martial arts. After a few days of this, ask him if he would help you practice some of your moves. When he agrees, stand up facing him, and just kick him square between the legs. Act like it was an accident, and ask if you can try again. If he agrees, kick him between the legs again. Lather, rinse, repeat. After three or four dozen kicks to the crotch, he'll probably get the point.

Glad to be of service,

Skor

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