Tuesday, November 23, 2004

My New Citizen's Group (MNCG)

Resolution finally came last night in an extended face-off that pitted slack-jawed yokels with lots of money against slack-jawed yokels with nice property. In the long-standing dispute, property-owning residents of Marysville did everything in their power to stop money-wielding race-fans from Florida from building a NASCAR track in their back yard. In the end, it all came down to money. They wanted to build a race track at a cost of 300 million dollars. They wanted to pay $50 million of that. They wanted the state of Washington (read: the taxpayers) to pay the other $250 million, and make $70 million worth of improvements to the nearby roads.

Wait, what?

What other business, when deciding to build in a neighborhood, asks the local residents to pony up 85% of the cost? Something was seriously wrong with this picture. Which is why Snohomish County told them to take a hike. In this case, it looks like the good guys won.

However, I was stricken with a thought (it was rather painful) during the whole debacle. Any time any reasonably large facility is going to be built or event take place, local residents form a group with a clever acronym to try and stop it. As if clever acronyms ever solved anything. Another case of this in Washington's recent history was the building of the Clark County Amphitheater, opposed by the citizen's group Stop The Amphitheater Today (STAT). This group failed, and the amphitheater was built anyway. I guess their acronym wasn't clever enough.

Where am I going with this? Well, I have a plan to save a lot of people a lot of time. I intend to create a mega citizen's group to counter any and all progress. Much in the same way that the ACLU (what's that supposed to spell, anyway? ak-lew?) serves as a blanket organization to *achem* protect "civil liberties," my organization will be an umbrella group to oppose changing anything from the way it is right now.

Of course, the most important part of my plan is to create a clever acronym. Here are some of my best ideas so far:
  • Progress Hurts Everyone: Accept Reality (PHEAR)
  • Citizens Against Real Progress (CARP)
  • People United to Stop Something (PUSS)
Whatever name I choose, I'm sure it will be huge. We'll rival the ak-lew in size and political power. Join us now or be run over by our... um... bulldozer of... uhh... non-progress?

What do you think? Got any better ideas for names? Want to join now, and beat the rush? Let me know in the comments section.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So glad to hear the racetrack died. I really didn't know what had happened to it.

10:57 AM, July 09, 2005  

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