Friday, November 19, 2004

Rules for Posting on the Internet

Millions of new people join the online fray each year, bright-eyed and busy-tailed, with a glimmer of hope in their eyes and a wonder of everything around them. They and the millions who came before them post their thoughts and feelings to online forums, blogs, and chat rooms. As people become more familiar with the way things work out here on the digital frontier, they get a feeling for a set of unwritten rules that seems to govern online discussions of all sorts. Well, Skor is tired of these rules being unwritten. There should be a place for the unwashed masses to come and find out what is expected of them in the ether of the online. That place will--from now on--be here.

    Rules for Posting on the Internet
  1. Never check your posts for spelling or grammar.
  2. Make your posts as hard to read as possible (i.e. - don't use paragraphs, punctuation, or capitalization).
  3. Don't worry about trying to stay on topic.
  4. If someone asks for help and you can't help them, make fun of them.
  5. Similarly, if you have nothing productive to add to a conversation, just become a troll.
  6. Always post the first thing that pops into your head.
  7. Never apply logic or critical thought to anything you post.
  8. When anyone disagrees with you, take it as a personal attack.
  9. Don't respond to direct questions in arguments.
  10. If a person you're arguing with persists in using logic, end the conversation.
  11. When you're tired of arguing, call the other person a Nazi. (Okay, that one is already written down.)
This list will be added to as more good suggestions or ideas come to me. If you have good ideas to add, post them in the comments section.

4 Comments:

Blogger dufflehead said...

how about
a. when making a list in a post, don't bother to make sure everything showed up (heh)

b. when adding a link that you "remember seeing" don't bother checking it for correct spelling or checking that it still works

c. when adding a link to a post, make sure it has one word that is somewhat related to the post. applicable context of the link is merely voluntary

d. always use "colorful metaphors"

e. always finish your

6:05 PM, November 19, 2004  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

innumbertwoyouforgottoincludethatspacesshouldnotbeincludedformaximumreadabilityithoughtyoumightliketoknowit'simportant

9:39 AM, November 20, 2004  
Anonymous Carl said...

^^^ Haha, youe no beng funy, yo kes ar jus stck!

9:56 PM, February 25, 2006  
Anonymous whatever said...

Does Mama Know Best: Melissa Robinson

D: Hey momma how are you…
M: I’m fine girl I aint seen you in a long time, I see you getting too good for your momma
D: Oh momma I’ve just been busy is all.
M: that must mean you got a man
D: no I don’t
M: now you know I know when you lying, cause your eye starts to twitch.
D: Ok momma I met a nice man and … I think I’m in love.
M: oh hell
D: oh momma stop…Look I went shopping for you.
M: oh you a lie and the truth aint in ya!
D: no really momma I did…
M: alright what you get me come on show me what you bought
D: I know that your wardrobe is a bit out dated…
M: what child I’m styling…
D: and your wigs are too…
M: girl you just jealous…
D: so I got you something special, here
M: what the hell is this...
(Daughter looks around, smiling)
M: is this a shoestring? What am I supposed to do with this?
D: it’s a thong momma
M: a what! A thong. Aint that what those kids round here where on their feet. I know im supposed to have two in here
D: they are underwear
M: well naw where you gone put this under, I aint never seen nothing like it before
D: they are panties
M: you telling me that this string goes…just nasty
D: momma …
M: don’t laugh. I aint never bought you no draws that got all yo business hangin out. What did I used to get you um what they call them now, grandma draws the ones that come way up here matter fact I got someone right now wanna see
D: momma
M: don’t act like you aint never seen em and I know you still got some
D: momma
M: Oh Child I was at the store today and I saw them old shoes that you like
D: What shoes?
M: You know the ones that have the white at the tip and the black on the sides
D: No mama those were not my favorite to wear but it sure seemed like your favorite to buy.
M: oh yes child you know they were because I could pick them up while I shopped.
D: yeah that should tell you something.
M: what?
D: mama people shouldn’t shoe shop at a local grocery store. I got teased for stuff like that and it seemed like every time that I hid them or somehow lost them, they magically appeared in my closet.
M: oh yeah I remember they were half off on isle 6 next to the ramen noodles and the ravioli. I must have bout at least seven pair.
D: and the kids called them bo bo’s
M: bo bo’s (same time) I never understood that why bobo’s
D: they should have been called boo boo’s because that’s how I felt when I wore them.
(laugh together)
M: come to think of it, they were ugly huh (laugh) hey at least you had some. When I was growin up…
D: oh no not that mama come on (laugh)
M: oh child… why don’t you come round here no more. Cuz you got a man thas why…
D: he’s really nice. He has a great job. He doesn’t have any kids. He sends me flowers. He…
M: you didn’t say nothing about how he looks. What did I teach you
D: if you cant look at him for more than five seconds then he aint for you.
M: that’s right! Now tell me about my new son n law
D: he has really light skin, tall, medium build blue eyes
M: blue eyes, he must be mixed with something …
D: no he’s full blooded…
M: I aint never seen a black man with no blue eyes! He must be real sexy I don’t taught you well
D: momma he’s not …
M: I cant wait til yall have children, I tell you the woman at church gone be jealous, im gone have grandbabies with blue eyes
D: he’s not black momma, he’s white
M: oh lord, child you bout to put me in a coma, that’s a good joke, talk bout you like a white man you know I just had that heart surgery.
D: I’m not joking momma, and your heart transplant was years ago. I’m serious, and I actually want you to meet him he’s…
M: look you aint bringing no white man in here, why cant you just find a nice black man there are plenty here. I cant believe this , my only child and she wants to be with a white man, oh lord
D: momma it’s not that bad
M: what you mean it’s not that bad! In love with a white man, you got to be crazy you got to be. I just know your daddy is turning over in his grave..
D: I miss daddy and I know that he would want me to be happy.
M: I miss him too and if he were here im sure he’d slap some sense in you.
D: momma you are not being fair!
M: I’m the momma I don’t have to be fair
D: but…
M: don’t but me. Don’t you remember any of the stories your great grannie told you about how the white people treated the black folks! Don’t you I remember because I lived through it.
D: momma that was in the past! Times have changed what is your problem. Stop living in the past!!! I’m tired of …
M: you think racism doesn’t still go on. Every time I look around at the way things have changed it’s a constant reminder of how small those changes are.
D: but momma listen to me…
M: no you listen to me, I lived through it!



M: hey grannie how you doing
G: oh child I’m good highly favored n the lord, look like you getting bigger.
M: I am granny. Granny?
G: yes baby, baby can you go and get my braw of the front porch and don’t forget my braw cuz when you get my age, things get low, they get low get low. I need my contraption, now gone now.
M: granny, why come they have a bathroom for colored folk and white folks. Why come we cant swim where they swim
G: well baby some white folks think they better than colored folk, and sometimes, sometimes it just aint fair.
M: well granny, thas not true cause nobody better than me nun un

G: that’s right baby you sound just like your grandfather.
M: Granny how did grandpa die.
G: well your grandfather was a smart, successful carpenter, wealthy man and umm some white men didn’t like to see colored folks living well, so to teach him a lesson, cut off his hands, they hung him and set him afire. I opened my front door, his hands were in a paper bag and I looked up to see my husband of seventeen years hanging from a tree on fire. I fell to my knees. Could not believe what I was seeing. And the men in the sheets just stood there admiring their work. I thought that was it. I was ready to kill every white person in sight. I was so angry and filled with hate that I must have passed out.


M: that’s right they killed y grandfather because he was a black man.
D: I know that must be real hard for you momma but you have got to stop living in the past. Stop dwelling and let it go.
M: what! I know that you don’t expect me to forget what they did!
D: No mama don’t forget but don’t let it hold you back either.
M: I don’t understand you, sometime I swear you’re not my child.
D: it just gets on my nerves to hear black people talking about everything that they or we have suffered through…and using the fact that we are black as a crutch as an excuse for our failure!
M: I know you
D: I mean momma you watch the whole collection of roots one night and you swear that you lived through it! And you knew kuntah kentee momma get real, and get up to date.
M: I don’t know who you think you are talking to. I lived through more than you could ever know or understand. You wouldn’t have survived back then. But o now you want to talk about now, the present! Jasper, Texas is that recent enough! Crosses are still being burned, the Klan is still meeting!
D: momma you are blowing this way out of proportion! You just cant get over this can you every white person isn’t like that mama and all of them weren’t like that!
M: do you think they say that about us! They see one of our mistakes and hold us all responsible for it. We are all sorry niggas that cant do nothing for ourselves to them
D: this is unbelievable!
M: why cant you young black folks see that it is us that paved the way for you and you are doing nothing but harming yourselves and moving backward! A white man! A white..
D: You are so ignorant to the fact that things are not the same that…
M: I am not ignorant I was there
D: I’m sick and tired of hearing about it… oh I’ve been oppressed oh the white man done brought me down oh I cant get ahead because of the man. If racism bothers you so much then why are you racist!!!
M: You talking about bringing a white man into this family even though you know what they did to us…well gone ahead marry yo white man.
D: momma, you always told me to treat other people the way I want to be treated. Momma remember do unto others as you would have them do unto you…times have changed
M: oh I don’t want to hear nothing about times changing
D: momma did you love daddy?
M: you know I did
D: would you love him any less if he were white
M: now you know that aint fair
D: momma I’m in love and it’s not about some kind of color thing. How can you be so adamant about pointing out the lines that divide us when your own daughter is trying to bridge a gap that you want to keep open.
M: why can’t you find a black man.
D: I’m not in love with a black man and come on mama plus you know they don’t have good credit. I’m sorry that you cant accept that
M: its not that I cant, I just don’t want to
D: mama you know that the thing that allows you to see your only black daughter was given to you by a white person.
M: what are you talking about?
D: your heart, come one mama you know that.
M: No (shaking head)
D: yes, the only difference between black and white people is skin pigment without it we are all the same and if you don’t think that to be true, then you are just as bad as they were.
M: I…
D: Mama Its okay. We can do this slowly you don’t have to meet him today. But try one day. He is an amazing person. He makes your daughter really happy and I know that you want that for me right?
M: You know that baby
D: So we have to work on this together.
M: I mean, does he even know what chitterlings are? Or Collard greens? Or pigs feet of hog ma…
D: mama please, (laugh) if he doesn’t that’s okay because one day you are going to be cooking us all diner and we will eat together at the same table, as the family we are, okay.
M: Alright child, I’m gonna try. (hugging)

8:41 PM, March 02, 2006  

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