Tuesday, December 07, 2004

"How do you want your TV?"

While putting along on the interstate this morning I saw two vans desecrated with giant logos and advertising slogans for one Dish Network. In a prominent place on the driver's side door was splayed the following:
500 Channels
How do you want your TV?
Well, since they asked, I'm going to tell them. And you. Or maybe just you. I guess I'm just going to tell you. But you can tell them if you want.
  • I want my TV slightly shotgunned.
  • I want my TV to have just one channel that shows only the shows that interest me.
  • I want my TV to never, ever be disgraced by an episode of Friends, or for that matter, by any of the cast of Friends.
  • I want my TV to be built into my wall, six feet tall and ten feet wide.
  • I want my TV to be free of filthy monthly fees.
  • I want my TV to watch me.
  • I want my TV to make real cupcakes with a 40 watt bulb.
  • I want my TV to do my job for me.
In addition, I do not want my TV to have 500 channels. Seriously, 500 channels? There wasn't even anything good on when all we had were a dozen channels. You know what happens when you spread a condensed visual fecal assault across 500 channels? Eighteen hockey channels, that's what. Yikes.

No, I do not want to pay for 500 channels of scatological drivel. I'm quite happy paying $2 for 25 channels right now. Although I could go without the eight shopping channels. As a matter of fact, I guess I do go without them, considering I only watch about an hour of TV per week. I guess the Capitalism Police© will probably be knocking on my door sometime soon.


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home