Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Ouch, my DNA!

Ah hah! I knew it! Cell phones are poisonous! I know I said before that cell phones were cool, but that was just because I didn't have the evidence that I have now. According to the latest research, "radio waves from mobile phones harm body cells and damage DNA." I had a cell phone for a year. I kept it in my front pants pocket. I swear that I would get twitches "down there," even when my phone was turned off. In addition, I always felt a little leery about sticking something that was emanating invisible signals that I don't understand right next to my brain and my special parts. Say... maybe there is hope that all those inconsiderate cell phone users will have their reproductive cells damaged by the cell phone that is constantly on their hip, and they'll be unable to reproduce... But I digress.

The news article goes on to state that:
The so-called ... study ... did ... prove that mobile phones are a risk to health ... concluded that ... effects can also be found outside a lab.
That sounds like some pretty damning evidence if I've ever heard it. (Never mind those ellipses.) Furthermore, I find that other people's cell phones are infringing on my rights to live without DNA-assaulting mystery waves. I smell a future lawsuit. In fact, given the statement that "There was remaining damage for future generation of cells." I think I'll be filing a class-action lawsuit with my future offspring for irreparable damages to our genetic line.

At any rate, now I've got more than one reason not to use cell phones. If only there were some place to go to escape all this bombardment of invisible attacks. I doubt even a remote Pacific island would be free of them. And Mars is out. If you have any ideas, let me know.

Source: Yahoo! News


Blogger LotharBot said...

Maureen Dowd would be so proud of you...

12:54 AM, December 22, 2004  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could always don a full radiation suit wherever you go..


7:31 AM, December 22, 2004  

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