Friday, January 21, 2005

I'm completely obsessed!

Did you know that I'm completely obsessed with knowing how many people read my blog? It's true. In fact, I've got three dozen counters on this page that are at this very moment tracking your every movement. I know when you get here, how you got here, where you click, why you click, your mother's maiden name, and your Safeway Club Card #. Of the sixteen waking hours in each day, I spend at least four and sometimes as many as seven of them pouring over my counter statistics. Every day that I get less than a hundred hits, I weep myself to sleep. Often I forget to eat until 7:00 at night, because I've been spending every possible free moment analyzing my visitor stats.

"What is wrong with this guy," I can hear you asking. Well, it's easy to answer that question. It all goes back to the third grade, when I sat next to Judy King in reading class. One day Judy was wearing a white dress with sunflowers on it. Those sunflowers remind me of the big sunflowers that we used to grow at my house. They grew over six feet tall and had stalks that were at least an inch thick. It always made me sad when they died at the end of the summer. After summer comes fall, which of course is when the leaves fall off the trees. Except for here in Washington, where most of the trees are evergreens. That's why we're called the Evergreen State, after all. We're like the Black Forest of America. Man, have you ever had some of that Black Forest ham? That is some tasty stuff. The problem with ham though is that it is so darn expensive. In order to afford it I have to keep meticulous records of all my financial transactions. After years of recording every penny I earned or spent, copious record-keeping just carried over into my blogging habits.

See? It all makes sense now, doesn't it?
Categories: Personal, Internet

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