Friday, February 04, 2005

Ask Skor: Planning a Super Bowl Party?

If you have a question for Skor, email me at the address shown in my profile.
Dear Skor,

My husband is having a big Super Bowl party this weekend, and I want to be the best host I can. What kind of food should I serve the guys for their big day? Also, how should I decorate?

Tacoma, WA
Hi Kathy,

To be honest with you, I really couldn't care much less about football. But you ask a valid question, one that I'm sure is shared by many women across the country this weekend. First off, let me address your second question: do not decorate. This isn't a second grade class party. It's a bunch of overweight slobs watching an overrated shoving match. They would be just as happy to do so in a mud hut if it had a big enough TV.

Along those same lines, you don't "serve" food at a Super Bowl party. You put out enough food before anyone gets there, and you don't get between the slobs and their grub. Lots of places want to sell you cutesy things like football cupcakes or other rot like that, what a waste.

If you want to know what kind of food to get, try to put yourself in the guys' shoes. Pretend that your brain is completely empty. All you are experiencing is an inexplicable desire to watch large, padded men wrestle over a ball, while you indiscriminately cram munchies in your face (of course, you don't actually know what the word indiscriminately means, though).

So basically the only rules about what kind of food to have is that it be:
  1. Not healthy.
  2. Easy to grab.
I think you can figure out what fits the bill there. Here's a hint: It's pretty much all on one aisle of the grocery store. One last note: Don't bother trying to speak to any of the football consumers at any point during the entire day. They may appear to hear you, but trust me, they don't.

Well, now that I've thoroughly offended the single largest TV viewing audience in America, I think my work here is done.

Glad to be of service,

Categories: Features, Culture


Blogger Iguana said...

Yeah, I think American football kinda sucks too. But, the super bowl is fun for the commercials. Well, it used to be fun until evangelicals become sensors of TV. Heck, I enjoyed seeing Jackson's breast last year. I think there should be more breasts. I'd like the see the cheerleaders go topless. Think of the ratings the game would get.

If I could start a new football conference, I think that topless cheerleaders would be the centerpeice and football would be on the side.

11:20 PM, February 05, 2005  

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