Thursday, February 03, 2005

Behind the News: Cheney Channels Dark Forces

Does Cheney have a Palantír?Well everyone else is doing it, so I suppose I would be a fool not to report on President Bush's State of the Union address. But you don't come here for boring political "news." Actually according to my poll, over 45% of you only come here because the bloodthirsty monkeys force you to--but that's neither here nor there. I believe that one important aspect of this big story is being overlooked. Take a look at this picture of last night's address. Back in October the rumor that the President was wired during one of the debates was the hottest piece of news this side of Venus. In the same spirit of extracting insane speculative conspiracy from an incomplete visual picture, I present to you the evidence that Dick Cheney has a Palantír!

Look closely at his hands. Why is he cupping them like that? Our graphic scientists have enhanced the image, and have come to the undeniable conclusion that the Vice President is in fact not clapping, but rather he is actively channeling a Palantír. Think about it. Why else would he look so smug? Clearly he is receiving instructions from the shadow government through his dark orb. Also note the corner of his mouth. The Vice President is employing his advanced ventriloquism skills in order to relay to the President the messages he is receiving through the Palantír.

Unfortunately the content of the messages is unclear to our expert analysts, but anyone with half a brain can be sure that the plot is devious and sinister. The recommended course of action for anyone concerned with this development is to spread the truth using inflammatory bumper stickers and "underground" websites.

Keep the faith!

Source: Tacoma News Tribune
Categories: News, Politics, Humor


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