Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Boeing Employee Bests Personal Helicopter Game Record

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Helicopter Game Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Employment.Area Boeing employee Mark Waring took the afternoon off Tuesday, after achieving a major milestone. After many hours of intense labor, Waring finally was able to break the distance of 1000, and best his personal record on the internet helicopter game. Whenever he wasn't making coffee or blankly staring at redundant documents, Waring spent an average of three hours per work day for the past six months fine-tuning his helicopter-clicking skills. Even so, Mr. Waring had until today encountered difficulty breaking the "Distance: 1000" barrier.

Waring tells of one particularly poignant memory:
There was that one time, two weeks ago, when I really thought I had it. My clicks were just 'on,' you know? I was in 'the zone.' Then, just as the corridor narrowed, a barrier appeared right in the middle. Only a seasoned veteran could have made it past that. The helicopter crashed at Distance: 995. It was heartbreaking, but at the same time, it only strengthened my resolve.
Reaching a distance of 1142, Waring shattered his previous record by almost 150. Upon accomplishing this difficult goal, Waring is reported to have jumped out of his seat and loudly exclaimed "Yes! Finally!" Residents of nearby cubicles flocked to his workspace, curious as to what could possibly cause a fellow employee to become so excited. After spending half an hour or so basking in his achievement, Waring took the rest of the day off to celebrate.

When asked what his next goal would be, Waring replied: "It's still too early to think about that, you know? I'm just so pumped about this, I can hardly think about anything else. But, if I had to guess, I'd say maybe I'll try one of those weird abstract games, or something. I don't know."

Waring's supervisor at Boeing was unavailable for comment.
Categories: News, Local, Internet, Humor

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