Monday, February 14, 2005

Local News Roundup (02.14.2005)

Local News RoundupLet's try something new. First, I will choose one news story each from the Seattle Times, Seattle P-I, King County Journal, Tacoma News Tribune, Everett Herald, and Columbian (Vancouver). I will then summarize them in a (hopefully) humorous way for you, the reader. That's it.

Hopefully this can help you to get more of a feel for the quality of reporting in the various local dead tree outlets. At the very least, you'll discover which one prints more stories that lend themselves to ridicule. Maybe you think this is a stupid idea. Maybe I don't care. Now, on to the news:


Battle for road-use rights heats up on Mercer Island (Seattle Times):
Residents of Mercer Island are tired of bicycles, and tired of those who ride them. According to them, the streets belong to cars, dangit. They were on the island first, after all. Um, wait. Hmm. Just last week one Mercer Islander was 3 minutes late to her tanning appointment, because she got stuck behind one of those annoying recreational cyclists. Something must be done.

Solution in sight for Everett sewage odor (Seattle P-I):
City officials in Everett have come to the ingenious conclusion that the best way to eliminate the noxious odors emanating from the city's wastewater treatment plant is to expand it! Oh, and to spend $41 million in the process. The key part of the plan is to move all the smelly crap indoors. So, they'll just have to never open the doors. No problem.

Tent city staying in Kirkland (King County Journal):
The traveling gypsy homeless encampment known as Tent City now has a new home, after members of churches in both Woodinville and Kirkland voted overwhelmingly in favor of easing their social consciences. I mean in favor of extending an invitation to Tent City. According to church spokespersons, doing so was "in terms of supporting our philosophy...[of] dignity of every human being." Because living in tents and moving every 90 days is quite dignified.

Fix your home, get a tax break? (Tacoma News Tribune):
The owner of a fancy bed & breakfast in Lakewood, whose weekend room rates run between $200 and $400 is upset. She is upset because she did not get any tax breaks for creating her cash cow establishment. Poor lady. How horrible it must be to own a 27,000-square-foot early-20th-century mansion. Can you feel her pain?

Monroe will buy 23 acres (Everett Herald):
Apparently, the Monroe city coffers are just overflowing with money. Or, they were anyway, before they spent $16.1 million on a 23 acre hole in the ground. Yes, $16.1 million is the going rate these days for fully-spent 60-year-old gravel pits. In other news, Monroe also recently became home to a movie theater, and two restaurants! Pretty soon Monroe will be a real boy! I mean city. A real city.

Work set to improve streets around park (Columbian):
Vancouver, Washington's largest (only) newspaper is definitely doing their part with this story to fool people into thinking that Vancouver is not the fourth-largest city in Washington. Yes, front-page local news in this bustling metropolis is the "upgrade" of "roads on two sides of Esther Short Park." Thrilling highlights of the project include: Reconstructing two streets! Building a roundabout! Installing utilities! Adding benches! Whew. Am I ever sorry I moved away from Vancouver. Look at all the fun I'm missing.
Categories: Features, News, Local

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