Friday, February 11, 2005

A Solution to the Smoking Controversy

You may have noticed that smoking issues have been in the news in Washington a lot lately. In case you haven't been paying attention, here's a recap:

Pierce County had extended the ban on indoor smoking to include bars, restaurants, and bowling alleys, then this week the State Supreme Court struck that extension down. The State Legislator is considering two bills that would extend the ban in some way state-wide, but those seem to be having trouble gaining traction. Lastly, the people may take things into their own hands this November, as the anti-smoking jihadists are sponsoring an initiative to ban all indoor smoking state-wide.

Skor has opinions on the important issues of the day, and the smoking issue is no exception. Personally, Skor finds smoking to be a terrible habit. Aside from the health risks, cigarette smoke is just plain nasty. Skor has a serious position on this matter, but this post is not the place for that. If you want to read about Skor's serious position, read Skor's comments here. However, if you want to know Skor's... shall we say... "alternative" method for dealing with the nastiness of smoking, read on.

As a non-smoker, Skor's most annoying encounters with lung cancer candidates usually occur outside. For instance, while waiting to cross a street, or at a bus stop. Some inconsiderate smoker just stands there, puffing away at their fag, oblivious to those around them who may not want to also partake in their vice. Well, Skor has come up with a way to persuade these smokers to be a little less oblivious. You can see the plan outlined in the picture at right. All you need are two tools:Perhaps you have never had the misfortune to feast your olfactory system on the liquid contained in those little glass vials. If you have not, Skor assures you that ammonium sulfide stink bombs emit one of the worst possible smells known to man. If armed with the two above items, when someone feels it necessary to light up their cancer stick right next to you, all you need do is bring out your sponge, break a stink vial into it, and let the aroma waft through the air. The (literally) breathtaking stench of the ammonium sulfide will almost assuredly have one of two effects. Either the smoker will get the clue and put out their own offensive odor-creating device, or they will simply move far enough away from you to escape yours. Either way, mission accomplished. It is also recommended that you bring a well-sealed zip-style sandwich bag, to put the soiled sponge in after the deed is done.

You may be thinking: "But Skor, if I use this method, don't I have to endure the stench of the ammonium sulfide, too?" Well, yes, you do. Skor says though that this is a small price to pay to get across the message to inconsiderate smokers that if they want to kill themselves slowly, they shouldn't do it near you. Plus, at least ammonium sulfide won't give you cancer, right? Wait, Skor can hear you still protesting: "Couldn't you just ask them to move away, or put out the cigarette?" Well sure, you could try that if you want. But don't come crying to Skor when you get a mouthful of smoke and swearing cast in the general direction of your face. Not all smokers are that rude, but enough of them are that Skor recommends just sticking to the stinky sponge method (SSM).

If anyone actually employs the SSM, Skor would love to hear your stories of success.

P.S. (You can purchase large quantities of ammonium sulfide stink capsules at a discounted price—$8 for 36 capsules—here.)

Source: Seattle Times
Categories: Local, Personal, Culture, Politics

5 Comments:

Blogger Walter E. Wallis said...

Another solution just might be to allow restaurant and bar owners to declare their business either smoking or non smoking, and for you to avoid smoking bars. Since non-smokers are rotten tippers and generally all around assholes as your snarky letter demonstrates, all the good waiters want to work the smoker's bars, so you skanks get the dropouts from Clown College.

6:26 PM, February 11, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I really did some thinking on this one, and I have concluded I am a bona-fide bone-head. I came to realize that you are more than correct about my handle, and thus have given me my proper name...
Doesn't have the shock value, but it serves to remind all who know about it just how dumb a person can be...

Thank you Mr. Grimm.

'inappropriate nickname' (aka you-know-what)

msberry@ix.netcom.com

6:46 PM, February 11, 2005  
Blogger Skor Grimm said...

Wow, Walter. You really showed me. Thanks for your insightful, thought-provoking post. I'm glad we can have such a friendly conversation about this. You really proved your point well. Boy do I feel stupid.

msberry, I'm not sure if your comment is sarcastic or genuine, but either way, you're entitled to use whatever nickname you want, no matter how inappropriate I may think it is.

10:29 PM, February 11, 2005  
Anonymous aes said...

Well I think Walter has a couple good points. Difficult to see of course, through the haze of hate.

2:09 AM, February 12, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that like most people, you are over-reacting to smokers. There a lot of dangerous and smelly things in this world besides smoking. I happen to be a smoker, but I do try to be considerate of other people and if someone asks me, perhaps I would move or put out my cigarette. Unfortunately your method affects everyone around you and leaves you open to get your butt kicked by a not-so-nice smoker. The other method suggested by an earlier poster would be good (don't frequent restaurants and bars that allow smoking). If a business is losing money because they allow smoking, they will soon change their ways. This is a free country and people should be allowed to make choices. No one forces you to go to a business that allows smoking.

4:01 PM, December 12, 2005  

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