Friday, March 25, 2005

Congratulations. You are here.

Congratulations.  You are here.Congratulations. You are here. You've finally arrived. From now on, you can kick back and take it easy. Go ahead, you've earned it.

For thousands of years, philosophers the world over have pondered the great question: "What is the purpose of life?" You don't have to ponder though. You know the purpose of life because you have already achieved it. If only they knew it was so easy. Its so simple, it can be summed up in two words:
Get stuff.
You've spent your lifetime doing it, and though the task is never really fully complete, you've successfully scored all the major points. You've got the nice car. You've got the house on a cul-de-sac with the two-car garage. You've got the big-screen TV, and you've even got that timeshare in Hawaii. Your life is complete.

Look at all those people around you, slaving away still trying to get their own stuff. They covet your stuff. You can feel it in their jealous stares as you take your fine ride for a cruise around the block, and in the longing glances through their curtains as you open the front door to your five-bedroom house and walk outside to get your paper. You worked hard for your stuff, and it's high time you enjoyed it. They can work for their own stuff.

It feels good, doesn't it? Finally arriving. You are here. Enjoy it.
Categories: Culture


Blogger LotharBot said...

Dang... I'm not there yet... not even close.

Though I do have an OK car.

Do you have any tips for how to get there?

5:56 PM, March 27, 2005  
Blogger Iguana said...

I am not here. I am over there, in the better neighborhood over the next ridge from here, where you are.

I also have tons more stuff than you. But, I want more stuff. I am not even close to collecting all the stuff I ultimately want to have. My life is all about this place over there where I am, plus all the stuff.

In fact, I opted not to have kids, because they would just get in the way of my having more stuff. No wife either, because in King County, where they have institutionalized angry feminist ideology, a wife can divorce you and take most of your stuff.

12:04 AM, March 29, 2005  

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