Friday, April 01, 2005

Gregoire Admits: "I Stole The Election."

April 1, 2005
I did it... I stole the election.Olympia, WA — Washington Governor Christine Gregoire, finally tiring of the unending court case and the steady flow of accusations from right-wing conspiracy "talk show radios" and Internet sites, and in light of new information from her lawyers, admitted today to having cheated her way into the governorship.
All right, I've got something to say. I did it, okay... I stole the election. There, are you happy now? In fact, I personally pilfered a huge stack of blank ballots, and used the mayhem of the hand recount to sneak in hundreds of extra votes for myself. The hand recount was the best 700,000 of other people's dollars I have ever spent. Oh yeah, I gave a few votes to Ruth Bennett too, just because I felt a little bad for her. But that's neither here nor there.
Though she has finally come out in the open about her outright theft of last fall's election, she steadfastly refuses to step down, or to allow for a special election in November. Lawyers for the Democrats discovered a clause which prevents an election from being overturned once the office has been held for seventy-five consecutive days. In addition, an elected official in Washington may only be recalled by a vote of the people for malfeasance while in office. It seems that in spite of Gregoire's new revelation, there is absolutely nothing that the people of the state can do about it.

Gregoire hopes that the admission of her trickery will allow her to finally get to the business of the state. "I hope that now our state can really, truly move on," she said. Republican lawyers sprung into action with the admission, declaring that there is "absolutely no way that she will be allowed to get away with this." They expect to have a completely conflicting interpretation of the law prepared tomorrow afternoon for a 4:00 press conference of their own.

It remains to be seen how the people of Washington State will react to the shocking disclosure.
Categories: News, Local, Politics


Blogger Iguana said...

What's surprising about this?

1:14 AM, April 02, 2005  

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