Monday, April 25, 2005

This is me in grade 9, baby.

There are just too many ridiculous statements in this article in today's Seattle Times not to take some time out to poke fun of it. For instance, let's start with the headline: "Goal of Issaquah freshman campus to nurture vulnerable ninth-graders." Ohh, those poor, vulnerable ninth-graders! I remember what it was like to be a ninth grader. Going from being the top dogs of a middle-school of a few hundred students to being the squat runts of a sprawling campus of nearly two thousand is just so... vulnerablizing. I don't know how I made it through alive, honestly. Let's look at some of the *achem* finer points of this article.
But ideally it will address another problem: the vulnerability of ninth-graders who can easily get lost in high school.
Oh, it's so confusing being in a high school! So many buildings, so many classrooms! How did I ever survive?
Grade 9, baby!"You're giving them one more year to mature and develop."
Ha ha ha ha ha hah! Heh, heh, heh. As if the word "mature" could reasonably be applied to any high schoolers, ever.
"We as a society are trying to rush our kids through life. This is a time when they can stop."
Wait, wait, wait. Now I'm confused. Are we giving them more time to "mature and develop," or are we letting them "stop"? I don't get it.
The absence of upperclassmen also can be a drawback, officials said; freshmen have few older role models on which to rely.
Oh yes, those upperclassmen are verily such amazingly good role models. Seventeen and eighteen-year-olds are definitely the kind of people that kids should look up to to learn now they should be acting.
It will have a name — Pacific Cascade — intended to celebrate the breadth of its student community, and a mascot — the lynx — meant to stress the connections, or links, between all the students on campus.
Now I just feel all warm and fuzzy inside, don't you too?

Yowza.

Source: Seattle Times
Categories: News, Local, Culture

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