Wednesday, May 04, 2005

They do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns...

sparrowHave you ever thought about birds? I mean really pondered them. Consider the following:

How many birds would you say you have seen in the past month? What about the past year? Personally, I've probably seen tens of thousands of birds in the past year alone. So what, right? So there are a lot of birds flying around—big deal, right?

Well it seems innocent enough, until you consider the flip side. How many dead birds have you seen in your entire lifetime? I'm betting less than a few dozen. Doesn't that seem a bit odd to you? Where do all the hojillions of birds go when they die? Granted, living, breathing birds flying about the sky are a lot easier to spot than a lifeless fist-sized ball of feathers, but that's not enough to explain away the entire discrepancy.

Basically it seems to me that there are three possible explanations for these observations:
  • Birds seek out a secluded place to die in peace.
  • The cause of death listed on the death certificates of the vast majority of birds is "eaten by predator" (thus no body).
  • Birds are actually clever hyperintelligent pan-dimensional beings.
crowWhile all three of these seem to be rather unlikely scenarios, I challenge my readers to present a better explanation. Barring any such revelation, I am forced to assume that Douglas Adams was onto something in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, he just got the species wrong. Our pan-dimensional observers disguise themselves not as mice, but as birds.

What better way to spy on and manipulate the people of Earth? With the natural ability to fly, birds can travel practically anywhere, and are in an excellent position to conduct whatever visual or audible observation is required. Why do you think we use the phrase "bird's-eye view"?

Of course, I'm not sure just where the birds are from, or why they're observing us, but it's good to be aware of at least part of what they're up to. Knowledge is power, or half the battle, or something like that.
Categories: Sci/Tech, Humor


Blogger PastorBlastor said...

Gives new meaning to giving someone "the bird," doesn't it?

10:51 AM, May 18, 2005  

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