Monday, June 20, 2005

Free Kittens to a Bad Home

Click on either picture for a larger version.free kittens

What you see is what you get. I have these five stupid kittens that somehow appeared in my house. I can't stand kittens (which, come to think of it, I've mentioned before), so I'm offering them for free to whoever wants them. The one condition is that it must be a bad home. Like I said, I hate kittens, so I don't want them to end up in any place that they might get love, attention, or an adequate supply of food and water.

Suggested uses for kittens are:
  • pillow stuffing
  • "kitten toss" (you know, where you take one step back after each toss)
  • the game of "how long can the kitten hold onto the top of the car while we drive down the freeway"
  • put them in neighbor's mailboxes
  • mail one to the governor-for-now's mansion
Just kidding about that last one. That's just a little too cruel, even for kittens.

Also available is the rouge mother cat, seen below. I really don't know where she came from, and I couldn't care less where she goes, except that it's away from here. I've been feeding her nothing but the stuff in that orange jug for the past week. They call it "Tough Orange," but I think the cat seemed tougher before she started eating it. It doesn't seem to have stopped her from producing milk for the filthy mini-cats, though.

If you are interested in the little mongrels or the big one, send me an email. My address is shown in my profile over there on the left. Act fast, because these things are going to the first bad home that contacts me.
free cat
P.S. (This has been cross-posted on Craigslist, just for a little additional fun.)
P.P.S. (Once again, Skor has been thwarted by the Craigslist gestapo. Twice has his plea for a bad home been deleted. Perhaps we shall try another category.)
P.P.P.S. (Let's try posting it in the "pets" category...)
P.P.P.P.S. (Curses, foiled again.)

Categories: Humor

21 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU ARE ONE SICK PERSON

10:16 AM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU CAN TAKE THE TIME TO PUT TOGETHER A LITTLE WEB PAGE, BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE THE TIME TO GET YOUR CAT FIXED SO SHE DOES NOT HAVE KITTENS. PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT ARE PATHEDIC.

10:21 AM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

F-ing hilarious. If only my home was one of these aforementioned "bad homes," then I might be able to take you up on your offer of "free kittens."

10:54 AM, June 20, 2005  
Blogger LotharBot said...

It looks like your second "anonymous" poster is a complete idiot (as well as a coward -- sign your name and leave your e-mail address, you pansy) who forgot to read this line:

"Also available is the rouge mother cat, seen below. I really don't know where she came from".

Is anonymous #2 (who also writes in all caps, again a sign of low intelligence) suggesting that Mr. Grimm should have all the strays that might possibly come in contact with him fixed? What a patheDic suggestion.

11:39 AM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Kiddo said...

I don't like cats either, but I think kittens are cute until they make a mess in my house. Then they take on a whole new look in my eyes. *punt*

1:24 PM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Crystal said...

okay ive been looking for a kitten now for the past week and i really want a free one if you dont mind I would like one of yours please email me at evil_lil_fairy1616@yahoo.com

thank you,
Crystal

4:46 PM, June 27, 2005  
Anonymous dan said...

i w0uld really love 2 get ahold of u and make u suffer the way your kittens do u fuckin dick face fag

9:28 AM, April 23, 2006  
Anonymous crystal said...

i want all of your kittens so please email me back at: princess1613149@yahoo.com i will seriously take all of them

9:41 AM, April 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u deserve to burn in hell u sick asshole no wonder our world is the way it is

1:55 PM, May 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is amazing, rediculous that you would take the time to do this, but shit if I had this amount of time on my hands im sure you'd have a ton of these ads. JESUS CHRIST this is outrageous. HILARIOUS!

1:22 PM, July 12, 2006  
Anonymous Not Magical Me said...

Please, please, please, tell me you weren't being serious. You don't have to like the kittens, but tell me you weren't being serious. I don't like kittens either, I freak out when people want me to hold them, but jeez...

1:35 PM, May 18, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The best thing about kittens? they can make you some money. call me at 978-473-6665 and i will give you an offer to take all of them
maryanne

10:53 AM, July 31, 2007  
Anonymous Br said...

My name is Brandy and i am very intersted in getting one or two of your kittens i live in ocala flordia my phone number is 3525989493

9:43 AM, October 06, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever heard of a animal shelter????

1:55 PM, November 11, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are sick in the head. How can you treat an innocent animal like that. You seriously need help. I think I should call animal cruelty and have you put in jail. SICK F@$K!

9:41 AM, January 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that is very very mean of you!

6:31 PM, February 12, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should be shot! You are a disgusting excuse for a human being, but you aren't even human. I hate your sorry f++ing ass! Rott in hell!

3:43 PM, July 02, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are sick and dont care for living creatures someone should call the cops on you!!!! go to dfrg

4:29 PM, August 20, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope your not serious cause this world is full of to many sick people.And if what your saying is true!!! God have mercy on your soul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And if it is may you Rot in Hell.

7:12 PM, December 30, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You sick bastard. You don't deserve to live if you are serious about this. Just because you fucking hate cats and kittens doesn't mean you shouldn't want them to go to a home that will treat them with care and love. Sick son of a bitch, rot in hell fucker.

11:22 AM, January 06, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I so wish i lived near enough to you to present my bad home for consideration of your stupid kittens but i don't believe fedex would accept a meowing box or that it was leaking let alone that it would make to the east coast but thanx for the laugh

9:11 PM, February 09, 2009  

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