Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Movie Musings

Revenge of the...SomethingFor some unexplained reason, Skor feels compelled to comment on the current big-name blockbuster that has been managing to part otherwise perfectly rational people with their hard-earned six to ten dollars. At the moment that movie is Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

Skor read somewhere that this latest and last installment of the Star Wars cash cow set some kind of record for making the most money on opening day, or opening weekend, or something like that. To be sure, the $270+ million that it has hauled in so far is quite impressive. It is well on track to a bigger take than Episodes II, V, or VI, and very well may break into the top ten grossing films of all time.

Indeed, such impressive dollar amounts have led some to speculate that RotS may be the movie that finally topples the mighty Titanic from it's #1 perch. However, there is one major reason why Skor does not believe that it will go that far. Titanic has one...shall we say, feature... that caused it to soar up to its virtually untouchable place at #1 on the list of all-time top grossing movies. Star Wars lacks this feature, and will therefore never reach that mark.

What is this feature of which Skor speaks? None other than 21-year-old female nudity, somehow inexplicably coupled with a mere PG-13 rating. What this meant was that every horny teenage male could go see this movie without raising their parents eyebrows, or even needing their permission to buy a ticket. Not only that, but since the main thrust of the movie was a ridiculously sappy love story, these teenage boys could go see it again and again with their female friends under the guise of being some kind of sensitive chump. Nudity + PG-13 + sappy love story = Ridiculously huge piles of cash.

So you see, Revenge of the Sith doesn't have a chance at unseating Titanic from it's #1 grossing position, because Revenge of the Sith doesn't contain anything that even comes close to nudity. Also, its love story isn't even remotely sappy, though it is a little sad. So Star Wars' equation looks something like this: Action + Effects + PG-13 + Nerds = Fairly huge piles of cash.

P.S. (For the record, Skor has never seen Titanic, nor does he ever intend to.)
Categories: Culture


Blogger Nathan said...

True, Star Wars has no nudity, but then Titanic doesn't have any lightsabers. Wouldn't you rather see Leonardo DiCaprio DiCapitated by a lightsaber than Kate Winslet naked?

On second thought, don't answer that.

2:15 PM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Ariel said...

Devastatingly perceptive. I always wondered why guys were watching Titanic 4-6 times.

4:31 PM, June 01, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I only suffered through Titanic once, but I can confirm that it is one of the worst movies ever produced. I mean the Star Wars is so-so, but at least it didn't have Leonardo DiCaprio.

"I'm on toooop of the woooooorld!!"

uuuugh, I seriously doubt there is anyone in this universe quite as obnoxious to endure watching. But then, I saw a censored squeaky-clean version, so I missed all the nude Kate stuff, I guess.

Horrible movie...

4:18 AM, June 02, 2005  

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