Friday, August 19, 2005

FOF: Interacting With Other People

Freak-Out Friday!

Okay, see this one time me and these two guys I know went on a summer trip to the San Juan Islands—Orcas Island to be specific. In fact, I've mentioned this trip before... So anyway, we spent part of an afternoon making an arduous trek up Mount Constitution so we could enjoy a nice mountain-top picnic lunch. Sadly though, after we parked our car we walked over to the peak only to be greeted by some kind of insane cloud conspiracy conference.

AHHHH!!!As it turned out, the highlight of the afternoon was one of the other visitors, a middle-aged dude who was there with his family. At one point we heard him say something to one of his kids along the lines of "...say it right." We were tempted to walk up to him right then and say "it right" then walk away without further explanation. This thought of course led to the amusing idea that we should track him down and come up to him exactly one year from then and do the same thing, and then a year later do it again, and so on. We wondered how many years it would take before he started to notice what was going on, and what he would think once he did notice.

Probably this guy would eventually go to great (and entertaining) lengths to prevent us from being able to locate him and tell him "it right." At first he would just be really paranoid every September 6th, nervously looking over his shoulder and waiting for us to pop out from behind some corner and say "it right," only to walk away mysteriously. Eventually though he would probably build an underground bunker where each September 6th would find him hiding out all day long, huddled in a corner in the fetal position, hoping and praying that we were unable to locate and break in just to deliver our ominous message. In the end he would probably go insane. We would of course continue to visit him each year in the mental hospital.

For some reason likely relating to bologna sandwiches, that reminds me of another plan my friend and I came up with. You know how in the mafia or gangs or whatever, when somebody gets mad at someone else, they call out a "hit" on that person? You know, like as in murder? Well fortunately most people are more civilized than that and don't resort to killing people that bug them. But sometimes someone gets you really mad and you almost wish you could inflict some kind of violence against them, right? Well someone should have a service that you could call on in just such a situation. When you call this service and order a "hit" on someone, they wouldn't inflict bodily harm or murder or anything like that—no, a successful "hit" would be defined as scaring the target individual so badly that they pee their pants.

I would gladly pay a fee to a professional agency that would perform that kind of "hit" on my enemy of the day. Of course the basic package would just be the pants-wetting scare along with a photograph to prove the deed was done, but there could be deluxe packages that include video and maybe even a website or something. That would be great.
Categories: Personal


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