Monday, August 29, 2005

God to mankind: Don't live there.

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this message from YHWH, the Almighty Lord God of all creation.
Listen, we need to talk about where you have decided to establish for yourselves a home. There is one region in particular we seem to have a misunderstanding about. I know you like it there. It is warm, there are plenty of nice beaches, and do not forget Disney World®—I love that place. But seriously, listen up and listen well. You are not supposed to live in the southeastern United States. This includes the eastern coasts of what you call Virginia, the Carolinas, and Georgia, as well as the southern coasts of Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama, and all of Florida.

I would have thought that by now my message would have been clear to you, what with the yearly season of devastating storms that I bring randomly upon the region. But it would appear that you still refuse to get it through your heads, so now you have left me no choice but to just come right out and say it. Just to make sure you really get the message this time, I have even included the diagram below showing the places that you just are not meant to live.

So allow me to spell it out one more time: Do not make your home on the southeastern US coast. It is an abomination to me.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Infinite Love,
יהוה (YHWH - God)
Hurricanes and Tornados
This public service announcement has been brought to you courtesy of God Almighty. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
image sourceCategories: News, Religion, Humor

1 Comments:

Anonymous Father Cory said...

Why couldn't it have been more subtle...like...A giant fireball writing the words out in the sky. That would've alerted everyone.

3:02 PM, August 30, 2005  

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