Friday, October 07, 2005

Residents Shocked, Shocked I Tell You To Discover That Victoria's Secret Sells Women's Underwear

In what can only be described as a disturbing brush with reality, DC area residents have been shocked, appalled, and generally scandalized by a product display at Tysons Corner Center in McLean, Virginia. The revolting display is located in the front of the mall's Victoria's Secret store, and features five lifeless hunks of plastic formed in the approximate image of the sultry female form, wearing nothing more than exotic undergarments.
Shocking Product DisplayThe store was doing a brisk business yesterday as shoppers walked by, some nearly snapping their necks as they caught a glimpse of what the mannequins were wearing and their suggestive poses.

"Well," said Steina Rubin of Bethesda, "I find it just totally disgusting." And, no, she would not be shopping there. "I'm not entering a whorehouse," she said. "I come to the mall with my daughter. It's disgusting. And I'm from Europe!"
The mysterious chain store known only as "Victoria's Secret" has finally had its secret revealed: They sell women's underwear. Clearly this revelation comes as quite a shock to many of the shoppers of this Northern Virginia mall, who are now faced with the arduous task of doing everything in their power to prevent their vulnerable children from learning the terrible truth that women wear special clothes to cover the most sensitive parts of their bodies. One non-customer was heard fuming:
My 13-year-old daughter is going to come here and shop for a bra? Come on. I'm appalled. That's like sending her to a street with a strip joint. Is this the kind of message we want to send to our children, that this is what they should look like?
13-year-old girls shopping for bras is indeed a frightening thought to many. Numerous passers-buy were heard remarking that they view it as just another sign of how far down the path of unforgivable immorality our society has happily traveled. When asked to comment on the record, they spat in the reporter's face and stormed off muttering something about "the media."

Update: Here's a photo of one of the mannequins in question, so you can judge for yourself just how "lifelike" they truly are:
"lifelike" mannequin
image source: NBC
Source: Washington Post
image sourceCategories: News, Culture, Capitalism


Blogger monster said...

umm... Hanes sells underwear. Yes, for women, too. Victoria's Secret sells underwear for sex; Victoria's Secret uses sex to sell underwear.

12:09 PM, October 07, 2005  
Anonymous Elyse said...

Victoria's secret disgusts me. Except their lotion smells good. But that does not mean I go in there. When my sister dragged me in there I was shuddering the whole time. They are disgusting. I'm a girl and I don't want to go in there.

They are totally not God honering. So why would I support them?

2:43 PM, October 07, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would have to agree that putting the underwear on real looking people is too far. Selling underwear isn't the issue, if only I lived in a place that cared as much as these Virginians. Haha! VIRGINians. Underwear on hangers just isn't nearly as erotic.

4:13 PM, October 07, 2005  
Blogger Father Cory said...

OMGGOMGOMG skOR'Z bOLG IZ A pr0N sIETZ!!!!!!111111111!@$#@6

In all seriousness, though.

...I get my stuff from Wal-Mart. Cheaper, too.

7:57 AM, October 08, 2005  
Blogger LotharBot said...

My wife and I are very glad for VS. They're one of the few stores that seems to understand how to appeal to both the husband and the wife, which is why they're wildly successful. Too many other stores either cater to the hard-core porn market, or the "women should be super-duper modest, even around their husbands" market. VS makes sexy clothing that women can actually feel comfortable in.

Now, some women have a completely warped view of sexuality, to the point where they feel they can't even be sexual with their husbands. To them, VS will always be offensive. But then, Song of Solomon is also offensive to those types, so why bother catering to them?

10:26 AM, October 08, 2005  
Blogger Dove said...

The photograph of the five manequins in the storefront there is probably a bit much, so I'm not surprised people complained. Usually Victoria's Secret has really classy stuff!

10:30 AM, October 08, 2005  
Blogger Skor Grimm said...

Father Cory,

Victoria's (not-so) Secret or Wal*Mart—wherever you get your women's underwear is fine with me.

10:59 AM, October 08, 2005  
Blogger Father Cory said...

Glad I have your approval :laugh:

12:08 PM, October 08, 2005  

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