Tuesday, November 01, 2005

President Bush Details Bird Flu Plan

Bush explains the volume of dead bodies.Speaking at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, President Bush today announced his comprehensive plan to deal with the possibility of a crushing flu pandemic in the United States. Though he admits that there has been no widespread outbreak of the potentially devastating disease anywhere in the world as of yet, Bush stated that he intends to be prepared well in advance. "We got the message of Hurricane Katrina loud and clear," he explained.

obligatory bird photograph
All stories about bird flu must contain photographs of birds. I'm pretty sure it's some kind of law. So here are a couple of sandpipers.
"So basically, if this bird flu hits the United States, we're going to be seeing a lot of dead people," warned Bush. "I mean, we're talking a lot of dead bodies," he declared, as he motioned his hands outward for effect. "We're gonna need to figure out what to do with all those corpses. And that's why I'm asking Congress for 7.1 billion dollars to fund my plan."

Bush went on to lay out the details of his plan, which consists of three facets; stockpiling body bags, increasing funds to research advanced cremation techniques, and land acquisition for mass burial sites. Other details of the plan include forming plans for potential military retaliation against bird species found to have spread the disease to humans, and he stressed his administration's commitment to being prepared to clean up after natural disasters such as hurricanes and disease. "We're not going to let people die in the street and lie there for days anymore. We're done with that," promised the President.
image sourceCategories: News, Humor


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