Thursday, February 16, 2006

Bathroom Ponderings

Here's a bad way to start out a post...

So I was in the bathroom the other day when I laid eyes on one of those paper toilet seat cover dispensers. This particular one had the brand-name "Health Guard" proudly displayed on the side. That got me thinking... Is there some kind of serious danger from communicable diseases that are transmitted via butt-cheek? Furthermore, if there is such a danger, is a flimsy piece of paper really going to stop those germs?

I was under the impression that for bacteria and viruses to be of any real danger to us humans, they have to somehow get inside one's body. But even if the toilet seat is covered in dangerous germs capable of borrowing through the skin and into your bloodstream, wouldn't they be a bit too determined to be stopped cold by a piece of tissue paper?

Imagine a vast army of microbes, teeming about on the toilet seat—armed to the teeth and thirsty for blood (human blood). Picture the Orc armies from The Lord of the Rings trilogy, except that they're single-celled. A victim approaches. Euphoric, the bacteria begin foaming at their single-celled mouth-like openings and beating against one another in vicious anticipation. But alas, just before the unwitting fool enters the thirsty clutches of the germ forces, he reaches out and places down magic barrier! The army's immense weaponry is useless against the mystic forces of the ultra-thin tree-based obstruction. Dejected and defeated, they console themselves by throwing a party for Charlie, whose wife just today split her cell for the first time.

Yeah... I don't think so.
Categories: Personal, Sci/Tech


Anonymous Cydney said...

That was AWESOME.

I'm STILL laughing.

11:12 AM, February 21, 2006  

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