Monday, April 17, 2006

Taking Advantage of the Oblivious

It often seems like everyone these days is always busy. People fancy themselves to be so busy that they have all but given up the lost art of engaging others in meaningful conversation. "How's it going" has become not a question, but really just another way of saying "I'm busy, go away—also I don't really like you." You may think that I'm writing this to bemoan the sad state of affairs, or to propose some relatively humorous "solution." In fact I am here to do neither of those things. What I am here to do is to share an amusing way to take advantage of the situation.

When most people say "how's it going" you can tell that they aren't really listening to your reply. You could say "suicidal," but if you say it with the right tone they won't even notice. It's that obliviousness that is the key to my evil plan. Picture the following scenario:
While walking through the local mall, Skor comes across a lady and her daughter. Both of them are, shall we say... horizontally challenged. The daughter is ferociously slurping down a large milkshake with a yellow "M" on the cup.

Skor: Hi there. (spoken in a tone as if Skor and Lady are good friends and see each other frequently)

Lady: Um, hi. (somewhat confused and annoyed that she has been distracted from her important business)

Skor: My, what a well-fed daughter you have! (delivered enthusiastically, as if it were a genuine compliment)

Lady: Thank you! (wasn't listening at all to the actual words, thinks she's just been complimented, and would like to be left alone now)

See how easy it is to say absolutely awful things to people right to their face without them even noticing? And it's fun, too! Here are some degrading phrases you can say that sound positive to the oblivious ear:
  • You look good enough to be a radio host!
  • You're clever enough to be on TV.
  • I trust you almost as much as I trust my Senator.
  • Haven't I seen you on TV? QVC I think it was...
  • It's so great that you have the confidence to completely neglect exercise and healthy eating.
  • You have quite the unique fashion sense.
You get the idea. I should warn you though, this method of amusment will only work on the average or below-average American. If you try to pull such a thing over on someone of above-average intelligence you're likely to get sucker-punched in the face. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Categories: Culture

1 Comments:

Blogger DaButtminster said...

Your italicized quotes are horizontally challenged in a narrow browser. I'm using IE so maybe it's different in FF.

10:16 AM, April 17, 2006  

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